Life Lately: Under the Weather this Lenten Season

Thursday, April 18, 2019

Fall by Jozelle Francisco
Fall
Lenten season! A time to reflect on our actions in the past and to further strengthen our faith to the Lord. And it's the time, I realize that I'm a lonely person.

Ang lungkot lang. Ang lungkot ko pala. Ngayon lang nagsink-in na malungkot ako, kasi nakangiti naman ako. Nakakatawa. Pero ewan. For some reason after kong sinabi ang mga yun, parang boom. Parang nagbukas na dam. Lahat-lahat ng lungkot na meron ako. Di ko alam.
For the past few days, I have been feeling under the weather. Maybe it's the lack of sleep (matulog na kayo!!) or my hormones were acting up (izdiz PMS?). So many thoughts were having a riot inside my head, and they're not helping. I can't focus on my work and just doing other non-work related stuff. Also, I overthink, like OA na sa pag-iisip, nagpapakaadvance.

And I brokedown. When Engr and I were talking about the real reason why I deactivated my Facebook, it opened my dam of feels: my insecurities, a subtle jealousy, my worries, doubt on myself, and my flaws. Then, I cried so hard. I really, really felt sad about myself. Even when I was listening to Sam Concepcion's cheesy song Mahal na Mahal while we were waiting for my milk tea, muntik ko nang iyakan bawat lyrics e. Kakaloka.

I don't know how I was able to calm myself. Maybe my pretense worked? Maybe the Yakult Green Tea? Or my trip to the bathroom (CHAR)? Or maybe, just letting it out helped me relieve the burden I'm carrying. It may seem dependent but it's really nice and comforting to have someone whom you can talk to when you're really down (Salamat Engr! and Bes Melay!)..

I realized that it's not really good to bottle things up and trying to fix it alone, kasi any moment, kapag di mo kinaya, sasabog ka na lang. Lalo na kung dinadagdagan pa ng hormones yung pag-eemo mo naku po. It'll be nice to have a journal where you can write everything (or kahit scratch paper lang) or someone whom you can trust and can be understanding to what you're going through and helped you with it (kahit yung simpleng pakikinig lang sapat na).

Well, the point is, ang drama ko ngayong araw and thankfully, kalmado na ako. Char.

P.S Don't forget to reflect this Lenten season ha! Enjoy the vacation but don't forget the Lord and reflect always. :)

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