Tonight, I Realized..

Sunday, June 23, 2019


... that He moves in mysterious ways to make you feel that He’s there with you and will not leave you during your dark days (and good days din naman).
I’m in my depressive state today.
I fought with Engr because of a really simple thing (mababaw lang sya talaga pero ewan di ko pinalagpas and I made it really into a big deal). Then enters existential crisis (of all days). It was just messy in my head. All I want at that moment was to run away, to have some peace of mind. Because of that, I cleaned our house (the things you do just to clear your head wew kahit ang init init nung mga oras na yon pero keribels, nageemote ang lola nyo). But somehow it didn’t do much help. My head was still messy. I tried sleeping. But nope...
On the other hand, when Camela shared that she visited my blog, I remarked how it’s still haven’t found its identity. And that’s when I shared my existential crisis which happened after I read this:


From how I’m afraid to take risks to how negativity has ruled my life right now. I even told her how I cheered on her, that positivity is the key when in reality I’m the opposite of what I’m preaching.
Actually, I’m talking to them simultaneously kaya mejo doble yung epekto nung mga realizations ko ngayon:
  • That I’m wrong on how I handle my emotions and actions which caused me to hurt him ng wala sa lugar.
  • That I’m too afraid, too negative that’s why I can’t take risks to do the things I wanted.
  • That I can take just one small step and I could tick off one by one the things on my list.
  • That it’s better to just do it than end up regretting for the what-ifs.
The biggest one was realizing how God listens to my cries. That He’ll find a way to make sure I will know that He’s there. It started when Engr shared two bible verses that is better than other quotes out there (na mas okay pa nga ang bible verses, mas inspirational):
  1. 2 Timothy 1:7 “For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.”
  2. Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
But what really hit me and made me really cried hard was when he shared a link to Our Daily Bread.
“Each one should test their own actions” Galatians 6:4
That’s the verse that I’ve read. And the reflection just... wow. It felt like God’s the one who wrote it just for me especially the ending part:
What talents, spiritual gifts, and blessings has God given you that you’ve forgotten to appreciate? Reflecting on them, how does your heart feel as you return to God? 
Boom. Feels. Open the floodgates. T^T. 
What’s unusual was that, this reflection that I’ve read wasn’t really dedicated for June 22 but for June 21. I don’t know how to explain without me sounding like I’m inventing stories, but that’s what really happened. It seems that God is telling me something and I should listen to Him seriously.
Engr and Camela seems to be God’s instruments to deliver what He would probably tell to me personally. And I thanked them for understanding me and for being patient. Most importantly, God. He stayed when I needed. He hear me and listened to em. And I’m blessed.
From the bottom of my heart, thank you.
I won’t forget this night.
It was fruitful even though I have to cry so much to the point na nagbabara na ilong ko dahil sa sipon haha.
I’m still learning. 
I will still make mistakes, but I hope they won’t give up on me, He won’t give up on me yet.
As they say, our lives are a work in progress. Little progress is still progress diba? Hehe.

:)

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