January Ender

What felt like a year, January has finally ended and I really did breathed a sigh of relief. So much has happened with the world and so was in my head. And I congratulate myself (and you!) for surviving the first month of the new decade. Wews!!

Entering the new year, I always have this energized feeling like yeah! lezzgo guys! kind of vibe. The vibe that motivates you to start on a new project, and I don't know, just really motivated. But as time went by, and the new year motivation kind of wears off, I went back to my usual self, the unmotivated one; the one who questions my life's purpose, on what needs to be done but was unmotivated to start on something, and the one who's lost and frustrated at the same time. It didn't help that I lacked sleep the whole month. The struggle was real!!

But what can I do? Life doesn't stop for anybody especially mine. So with little, (struggling) steps, I did my best to somehow push the things I need to do;

  • At the end of the month, I deactivated my FB account, erased my Instagram and Twitter apps, and just settle first with myself (but I failed after 2 days with Twitter because I opened it hehehe to e updated with the nCov).
  •  I was able to finish my driving lessons for 15 hours!! Huhu. After two expired student permits and a new one, I was able to learn the basics of driving (thank you 3M driving school! my driving teachers for their patience! huhu). 
  • Also, being able to come to work so early was somehow fulfilling. That 5-10 morning walk somehow helped me reflect on myself and appreciated the things around me.
Though in between those small victories, I can't seem to organize my cluttered mind, the same way I wasn't able to take care of my room. It became a reflection of what's going on with my life and it's really hard. Because of this, it somehow affected my mood and how I respond to people close to me. I would be too clingy with my boyfriend (kahit LDR), and would be mad at him for petty things. The same way I became a brat at home. I'm ashamed but sometimes, I'm too prideful to admit.

 But then, reminding myself that I'm not perfect and I would make some mistakes kind of helped alleviate the burden. I'm entering February with hopes that I could continue what I did good in January and let go of the things that hold me back to be a better person. Sana sana...

Pictures taken when I'm really early for work and was able to stop by and took a picture of the fields I always pass by. Used the Dazz Camera App in my phone (I think if I remember correctly it's their D Exp camera).
Selah Morii